One pitch after another we climbed. There were moves that seemed impossible to me. I couldn’t comprehend how I could go any higher. I didn’t see anything to hold onto or grab but when I would peer down I would see Peter, my climbing partner coming up behind me and I knew I had to keep moving. If I slipped or fell I could totally take Peter out. If he fell he could pull me down with him.

I had to keep moving. Quitting wasn’t an option.

The breath saved me. Exhaling forcefully to ground and center myself as well as help with the increasing altitude was my lifeline.

Hour after hour we carried on upwards towards the illusive summit. The sun was intense—I was thirsty, hungry and tired.

The higher we climbed and the more fatigued I felt, the more acute the demons within my mind became. Fear, grief, anger and doubt all moved through me. I offered these hellions to the rock, like a sacred gift—the only thing I had left to give to the Divine.

What remained was gratitude.

Peace and acceptance of all of my life’s hardships and challenges. The mountains stood silent…willing…strong…without judgment. I was both held lovingly and asked to push beyond who I thought I was and what I thought I could accomplish.

After living through a seven-year illness where I was devoid of energy I haven’t fully recovered from believing that I don’t have the energy to physically exert myself.

As I continued to move I could feel the reprogramming of who I am and who I believe myself to be happening. I consciously released the doubt and fear from my cells as I recognized that I was capable and doing it.

I shifted into the mindset of abundance.

Instead of focusing on the lack of energy, strength, water and food that I felt I was deficient in at the time, I began to see that I was totally taken care of. That only having 1 cup of water left before even reaching the summit was all I needed…that despite feeling exhausted I did have all of the energy I needed.

I softened into acceptance and faith instead of trying to control the situation (which was futile anyway) and I let life guide me.

Stay tuned for Part 3!